How to be Normal Teenagers
by masaruchi
Summary: They tried to be normal. No one ever said that they'd be good at it.
1. Intro

Mount Justice  
August 10, 16:32 EDT

* * *

Read. Learn. Do.

-Batman

The six teens stared intently at the leather-bound book on the floor in front of the zeta tubes.

"Is he serious?"

Artemis rolled her eyes and pointed to the yellow post-it.

He's _the_Batman, Baywatch. 'Serious' is his middle name."

"Dick, did you-"

The youngest of the six shook his head with crossed arms. "No way."

"M'gann?"

"I think it'll be a lot of fun! It's a chance for us to be normal, guys!" the female martian squealed in delight, jumping happily next to the blonde archer who only cringed at the idea. Normal was way overrated these days. Couldn't people just go do something extreme for the fun of it?

"Conner?"

The speedster received a Kryptonian grunt.

Wally sighed, "Ok, this isn't helping." then turned to the Atlantean on his right. "Kal?"

"If it is what the Batman wishes, then we must follow his orders."

The young speedster let out another sigh before bending over to pick up the overly-large maroon book in his hands.

"Well, if the leader says go for it..."

The others waited in anticipation as the redhead carefully flipped open the sacred book of societal norms that they either weren't familiar with or were familiar with but chose to ignore.

Thirteen-year-old Boy Wonder frowned in blatant dislike at the piece of idiocy now being manhandled by his best  
friend.

"I am _so _not feeling the aster."

* * *

**INTRODUCTION**

We the makers of 'How to Be Normal Teenagers' are happy and grateful that you chose us for your normality issues. Since we know that your attention span is compromised if what we say is boring, we'll skip to the first step.

Thank You.

P.S. On the very off chance that you or your friends are injured, sent to jail, or crying we do not assume any responsibility whatsoever. Good day.

**Ground****Rules**

1. No standing out.

2. No mysterious pasts or backgrounds.

3. No masquerading public places like

you're Batman.

NOTE: If you do any of these, you are not, by

societal standards, normal and therefore

you must completely follow our advice in

order to survive in society.

-1-

* * *

Hello everyone! I'm quite new here and I hope I don't  
mess up with any bad grammar on my first work...  
Um. Well, this idea just came to me and I hope you enjoy it. ^-^  
Thank you for reading and if you would like to review it, go ahead.  
And if you don't, well, that's ok too xD  
It's short but the real chapter should be up soon.  
Over and Out.


	2. Step One

**Step ****One: **

You must not, in any shape or form, act out of the ordinary in the presence of your same-aged peers.

* * *

**Central City  
August 15**

If Wally West paid any attention in English class, he understood to a certain degree that there was nothing worse to the word 'worst' than 'worst'. However, after having soldiered through the day like an obedient speedster, he would have to strongly disagree. There was, in fact, a word that described 'more worse' than worst. And that word was high school. Okay, so maybe that was two words, but that's not the point.

The morning started off asterously (dear God, Dick's vocab was getting to him) with the ginger waking up and remembering his temporary Batman-ordered suspension from Team missions. That meant no free food, no pranking other members with Robin, no running around the mountain like a maniac, and absolutely _zero _romantic contact with the gorgeous Miss Megalicious until further notice. Batman might as well have ordered his funeral. No M'gann contact for three days? Wally was already going through withdrawal symptoms.

Wally didn't mean to cause any harm, he swears, but because of some (perhaps slightly dangerous to average humans) antics, Batman thought that his midnight gallivanting adventures had to come to an end before any serious injuries took place. What the hell was so dangerous about it, no one really had a clue but rumors said it involved a cow, lab-made lightning, kryptonite, and under cooked scones from New York. Don't even bother asking, Wally was high on _something _that day and he didn't know what the hell his subconscious was trying to create either.

Of course, aster quickly escalated to disaster the very second he glanced at the digital clock sitting on his drawer. For a kid who broke the rules of physics, Wally sure was late often.

He hopped out of bed and ruffled his hair out of it's bedhead mess before stripping to his Green Lantern boxers (what could he say? He was a fan). Finding a white shirt was easy enough but that wasn't usually a problem.

"Crap! Where are my pants?!"

The teen rushed around the room at super speed, flipping all the objects blocking his path in an attempt to find a clean pair of pants. Not surprisingly, he blames Artemis for not nagging him enough to clean his room.

"Wally! You have two minutes to get down here, young man! You're late!" a female voice bellowed out from downstairs.

"Coming!" he quickly opened and closed all his drawers. "Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants!" the boy pulled out the only pair in his vicinity and eyed it grudgingly. Of all clothes, this? Wally hurriedly pulled on an untouched pair of navy skinny jeans, wincing at the tight fit. He grunted, not understanding how or why girls put themselves through such torture every day. Just as he was about to unbutton his pants-

"Wally West, get down here this instant!"

He groaned loudly in frustration and re-buttoned them before stumbling down the stairs. By the looks of it, super speed didn't work so well in constricting fabrics.

Rolling down the stairs wasn't the worst part, though.

Apparently, while people sleep walked, sleep talked, and sleep hacked, Wally West sleep ate. On his last night adventure, sleeping Wally vacuumed all the food from the fridge into his stomach then proceeded to raid the rest of the kitchen.

To put it simply, Wally was going to have to skip breakfast for the first time in three years.

Disastrous morning, complete.

* * *

**Keystone High School  
August 15, 9:00 EDT**

The bell to first period rang at 9:00 and Wally just barely made it to the classroom. He paused at the door, cursing mentally at whoever gave him these pants. He couldn't run like he usually did and that little fact was majorly pissing off the young speedster.

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. West. I hope we didn't disrupt your beauty sleep."

The said boy offered a sheepish smile at his Latin teacher, Mr. Chapman before heading to his seat in embarrassment.

"Nice job, kid. You know Chapman's real strict when it comes to attendance," the voice was laced heavily with failed sarcasm and like any other day at school, Wally ignored the other boy and unpacked his belongings on the desk. He flipped open his book to the designated page and stared blankly at the lines and lines of words that he already knew. Though it seemed like it to others (Artemis most of all), Wally was far from an imbecile. Sure he had his moments but the guy came through in the end for the most part. He wasn't an idiot in science or foreign language or crime fighting, but he did poorly in English. Not that anyone could really blame the poor kid. With all these nouns and past participles and not to mention, five page long persuasive essays about _Lord __of __the __Flies _and whether or not humans were created to be evil, any normal human would suffer from low Bs and Cs.

With that, first period passed and Wally had to look forward to another painful day of high school.

Best four years of your life, huh? Wally shook his head. That was a load of baloney.

* * *

**11:23 EDT**

Second and third periods came to an end but it wasn't like the ginger had anything to look forward to.

Lunch consisted of a lumpy, brown muck that Wally could've sworn had oozed in his lunch tray. For once, the Kid Flash lost his appetite. However, because of his hyperactive metabolism, he forced himself to shovel it all down like a man, not noticing the saucer eyes boring through him from the other table.

"Woah there, geek. Did you just _eat _that?" a blonde guy from the packed table in front of him said. Wally looked up like a deer in the headlights, swallowing thickly and licking his lips.

"That's like, so not normal."

"Are you alien or something? Like that Martian Manhunter dude?"

"So not cool, nerd."

Great. He blew it. What was the first step in the book Batman gave them?

Oh right.

You must not, in any shape or form, act out of the ordinary in the presence of your same-aged peers.

"The hell? Geekster here takes a liking to shit, I see."

Yep. He blew it.

Stupidly they laughed, high fiving among themselves like they were the coolest kids in the world. Wally already had a dozen retorts to their idiocy (being teammates with Artemis did that to a person), but chose to be the bigger man and ignored them. Well, that choice also had a little to do with Batman threatening him about his flamboyance but at least he listened.

"Hey, geek!"

Wally's head shot up and was met with a face full of ooze.

The brown lump dripped down his face and splashed on his crisp white shirt.

Damn.

* * *

**15:23 EDT**

It was the last period of the day and shirt-stained Wally was on his last nerve.

He somehow lived through the fiery hell of gym class dodge ball, chemistry was easy enough but Wally forgot when to shut up and gave away his secret science genius position (Batman was going to have his head), and now was perhaps the most dreaded subject of all: English. Wally wished he could store himself in a locker and magically zeta his body to Mount Justice.

"Take out your homework, class. I hope you all did it because that was a good seventy points."

"Shit," Wally mumbled, searching through his different folders. Once again, he blamed Artemis for not nagging him to clean up his stuff.

The teacher, Ms. Szczuler (pronounced Shoo-ler), began walking through the aisles to quickly check in work. Her nude shoes clacked noisily as she checked the papers, making sure that her students weren't just showing her papers with 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow' written over and over again to make it seem as if they did the work.

"Come on, come on. Where is it? Did I even do it?" paranoid, Wally glanced up every now and then only to see the dirty blonde hair of his English teacher coming closer by the second.

"Woody, zero."

The sole ginger in the room gulped before issuing another frantic search through his folders.

No. No. Pythagorean theorem? No..Wait, that one's for Latin...Polyatomic ions weren't part of basic English vocab...

The Wallman dropped his head on the table with a thud, earning a few peeks his way. Subconsciously, he started banging his head over and over again, no longer giving a damn because the day was almost over and he felt like complete and utter crap. Hell, even his decent shirt looked like crap with all the brown stains on it.

"What's he doing?"

"He's going mad."

"The hell's his problem?"

More murmurs and mumbles were sent his direction but Wally just let them. Normal, not normal. Whatever. He wasn't going to care anymore.

"Mr. West."

He stopped his head banging and peered glazedly at the teacher. Actually, teacher_s_. Wally was seeing more than one Ms. Szczuler and the sight was murdering him slowly and painfully.

"Yes?"

"Stop this nonsensical idiocy and take out your paper. You're disrupting class time."

Straightening himself out, the teen cleared his throat as his face flushed a strawberry red. All thirty eyes ogled at him like he was some kind of rampaging zoo animal.

"Well, Mr. West?"

"I don't...have it, Ma'am."

"And _what _exactly happened to your seventy point paper, Wallace?"

"My um...Grandpa ate it."

Wally mentally bitch slapped himself. Way to go, Baywatch.

The class burst out in laughter, not that it was all too friendly. Most of them, if not all, were laughing _at _him.

"He's such an idiot!"

"I'd understand a dog, but granddad?"

"He's so weird!"

Ms. Szczuler cracked a cynical smile and nodded her head.

"Mhm. And I assume that your Grandpa's dentures weren't at all damaged by them?"

Wally looked down at the tan desk.

"No, ma'am."

"Mr. West, zero."

* * *

**15:36 EDT**

Wally was the first one out of the classroom the moment the dismissal bell rung.

He didn't really know how he managed to drag himself home, but he did so that's all that really matters. He had too much on his mind along the way so walking home without thinking too deeply about it might have been the best for him. The young speedster entered his house to find it empty, a note on the dining table saying that his parents were at the grocery and Uncle Barry was on a mission. Trudging up the stairs, one heavy foot after another, Wally finally made it to his room and plopped himself on the bed.

With both hands, he unbuttoned his jeans and attempted to take them off. It took a couple tries and twenty minutes but at last, the torture device was banished and his legs could breathe. Wally lifted himself off the bed a bit to take off his shirt and tossed that somewhere else too. He'd clean his room later when he wasn't feeling like rotten lasagna.

Reaching for his phone near his left hand, Wally dialed four on his phone and pressed the call button. Two rings and there was an answer.

"Hallo!"

"Dick?"

"Yeah?"

Wally rolled over on his side to face the window.

"You know that 'How to be Normal Teenagers' book Batman gave us a couple days ago?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You know the first step, right?"

"You must not, in any shape or form, act out of the ordinary in the presence of your same-aged peers. Yes, I'm familiar."

"Guess what?"

Wally could hear his best friend cackling like a madman on the other side of the line.

"You didn't."

"Yep. Failed it."

"Wow, Wally. And here I thought you'd be the most normal one. Coming from your background and all."

"At least I don't use made-up words like aster."

"Oh, looks like someone's not feeling so traught. Shall I tell 'Mis so that she could come kiss you better?"

Wally blushed a furious shade of red before glaring at his phone.

"Dammit, Dick! You know I don't like her! She's so...so! URGH!"

Another round of maniacal laughs followed by a 'Master Bruce would like to see you'.

"Mhm. Alright. See you later, Baywatch, when you've actually come to terms with yourself."

"Di-"

The line was cut.

The redhead sat up and began to rage-clean his bedroom.

"Damn leprechaun."

* * *

**Wayne Manor  
August 15, 15:57 EDT**

The Boy Wonder sat in his room with his phone in hand.

"Hey, M'gann!"

"Hi Robin!"

"Can you tell Kaldur to cross out the first step in the book?"

"How come?"

"Because Wally can't handle normal."

* * *

And here is step one! Yes, my humor is lame.  
Thank you for the review and for following!  
I hope you enjoyed it and that Wally or  
Dick weren't to OOC...  
Over and Out. ^-^


End file.
